A friend from college is visiting for the weekend, and we're having an amazing time. I've been looking forward to his visit for weeks, and I've also been having pretty low anxiety overall, so I was expecting only a mild increase. But my anxiety kicked into high gear over-drive craziness yesterday before he even arrived. Because I had been so sure this wouldn't happen, I was even more convinced than usual that it must not be anxiety, which meant I could be actually sick with something. Big surprise, that assumption was incorrect. And thinking that way led to me eating much less than I should have yesterday.
For years, I was fanatic about avoiding eating whenever anything stressful was going on. I always thought that was the safest course of action, not just "in case I am sick" but also "in case I get anxious about being sick." I could just tell myself it wasn't possible for me to get sick, because I hadn't eaten (which is not even true, I know, but it's still an idea I cling to even today). My wife started to break me of that habit from the moment we started dating. At that point my usual pattern was to eat one big meal a day (a lunch/dinner after getting home from school) and to avoid eating around any anxiety-producing situation, including going out anywhere. I was also so picky that bagels were an unfamiliar food to me that I wouldn't eat. I'm not sure I had ever even tried one.
It took a while, but eventually she got me into the mindset that it was important to eat (at least) three meals a day, and it's amazing how much better I started to feel. I'm betting most of the stomachaches I got back then were caused by my horrible irregular eating patterns. It probably also contributed to me feeling anxious / depressed / moody in general. When I eat too little now, it makes my anxiety get out of control. It's strange, because I still have that instinct to avoid food, but at the same time I am always trying to remind myself now 'no, avoid eating too little. It will lead to you feeling like everything around you is surreal.'
I see all the time on blogs / forums that people with emetophobia are not eating and feel like they can't. But you really can, and you should force yourself to do so. Not eating is a really big deal, even if you are not technically in the danger zone of "starving yourself" yet, because it will keep you feeling a lot more balanced. It makes a huge difference there. And it also will definitely lead to your stomach feeling overall better after a while if you continue eating regularly / well.
I agree with everything you said here - and even though we're all trying to avoid the same thing happening, I've heard it's even worse when it happens and you haven't eaten much.
ReplyDeleteI'm one of the people who don't eat! I feel like rubbish all day every day and I know that it's because I don't eat. I survive on snacking on biscuits and chocolate.. I know I need to eat but everytime I try the anxiety and phobia takes control of me..
ReplyDeleteWell done for being at that place where you can eat! I wish I was there! xx
I agree, food avoidance is so bad... But I sometimes have to stop eating before being finished with my meal or feeling full (I constantly check myself to prevent overeating) and I start to feel anxious and then nauseated (or vice versa??). It is a panic. Do you have any advice how to deal with that? I would like to gain some weight...
ReplyDeletePS: I really like your blog, it is very supportive for me. In my native language there is not a single mention about this phobia. So I am glad I am not the only one on this planet being so severely worried about being sick.
Hi Ela Bela! I have had the same issue before, where every time I ate I would feel really anxious/sick even after the first bite and would want to stop. My advice is to force yourself to continue anyway. I know it's really unpleasant, especially because your stomach is probably not used to getting the proper amount of food, but you have to push through that discomfort to start feeling better when you eat - and also to start feeling less anxious.
DeleteI would also advise to start with things that are easy on the stomach, whatever that may be for you. Your safe/comfort foods. During my bad periods, I ate a lot of cereal, nutrition bars, toast, basic sandwiches. It was very difficult, and sometimes I would be eating a small sandwich for hours, because I was eating it so slowly and feeling panicked in between every bite. But I was scared about what might happen to my body if the problem got any worse and it became even more difficult to eat, so I just kept forcing myself to finish things or eat as much of them as possible. Eventually it helped, and eating was not as scary anymore.
You are definitely not the only person on the planet who worries about this! I know of many other great websites, blogs and forums out there if you need any other supportive resources.
Hello lil!
DeleteI am sorry for late reaction. I was feeling really miserable around year-end. And I tried to forget about all the stuff around sickness, vomiting, ...and tried to get involved in a "normal life" again... I needed to change my mindset.
During that time I pushed myself to eat (mostly cereals for children that contains some vitamins, chocolate, sandwiches and vegetable) - and I think I mostly got over that border when eating is causing discomfort (and I started to feel hungry again). It is not ok yet and the whole issue is still very vulnerable. But it is better and I can get along like this. Thank you very much for inspiration and support.
I am glad to hear you are feeling better!
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