movie excursion

I went to see the new movie The Hunger Games yesterday. It was fantastic, by the way, and without having to include any vomit or excessive gore. Hurray for the PG13 rating!

It was two and a half hours long, and I felt "sick" for about the first half. But I didn't leave the theater, not even for a quick break from the anxiety. I'm wavering between optimist/pessimist viewpoints. Optimist: "I stayed the whole time despite how awful I felt! That's wonderful! Success!" Pessimist: "Okay, so my behavior was good, but why can't I control my anxiety more so that I don't feel this fake sickness 50% of the time I'm out somewhere?"

I've been told I have a bad habit of being way too hard on myself, so let's just choose Optimist and run with it. I did manage to calm myself down so that I felt okay for the second half, and there was a lot of mental work that went into that success (and the success of staying the entire time):

-- I wanted to leave several times to compose myself and didn't let myself.

-- When I feel "sick" I never want to swallow, because I'm afraid it will push me into throwing up. I kept forcing myself to swallow and then drank water to prove I was not going to get sick.

-- I wanted to get my wife to reassure me somehow, either by asking her if I was sick or by asking her to feel my forehead, but I didn't let myself.

-- I reminded myself of all the evidence pointing to anxiety, not sickness (I felt fine up until the movie started; I have had many experiences going to a movie and feeling the exact same way, and it has never resulted in me throwing up; there were some parts of the movie that were making me laugh, and it's pretty unlikely I would be so alert and able to enjoy the humor if I were actually sick).

-- I told myself that in the unlikely event of me actually getting sick, it would not be the end of the world. It would be embarrassing and unpleasant, but I would survive it.

-- I tried a visualization exercise where I focused on one of those little red floor lights that guide people along the aisle and imagined transferring all my anxiety and "sick" feelings into that light. I imagined the light could contain all of that unpleasantness, and then it would no longer be in me, and I would be free to enjoy the movie. It really seemed to help some.

Ta-da! A six-step guide to passing for a normal movie-goer!

But it will not always be so hard. Repeated exposure is the key. It seems I really have no choice but to go see The Hunger Games several more times. And I suppose I'd better treat myself to some more delicious restaurant meals as well. Whatever's good for recovery!