positive self-talk / exposure hierarchy

I'm still working through the different steps of the emetophobia online study. Last night I was trying to come up with my own personal exposure hierarchy, and I started going back through the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies, because I worked through a lot of the exercises back in 2010-2011 and knew I would get ideas there for what I tend to avoid the most. I also found a bunch of loose papers I had been keeping in there with helpful affirmations. I haven't looked at any of this stuff for a long time now, because I've been feeling so much better, so it was weird to go back and see how much trouble I was having. Some of the things I was thinking back then seem so foreign to me now, which I love, because they were awful things. But I thought I would post some of the positive information/statements that I collected or created to help during that horrible time.

I remember I looked online for new affirmations sometimes, but I usually couldn't find anything that resonated with me like the affirmations from the workbooks did. I did find this website with anxiety coping statements and information about thought stoppage, and I printed it off and had it tucked in the front cover of the book.

Then I had a list of negative statements I was constantly thinking back then and a positive rebuttal I had come up with to counter each one:

1. 

I should be able to just get over my anxiety, knowing that's all that it is and that it's in my head. What is wrong with me? 

It's not that simple. There is no quick fix. It will take time and work to overcome my anxiety, and I am working really hard at it. I should be proud of myself for what I am able to accomplish at this point, and for my ability to stay motivated at working hard on these issues.

2. 

There is no reason for me to feel anxiety in this situation. I'm getting worse (or not getting better). I'm not the same person I used to be. 

I keep thinking that my anxiety should "make sense" and should only pop up at the times that it makes sense that it would based on the past. But an anxiety disorder isn't like that - by definition, the amount of anxiety you feel with an anxiety disorder is extreme and does not make sense. I may still be going through a rough time, but that doesn't mean I haven't improved a lot in the past year, and it doesn't mean I should lose hope that I can one day be a relatively anxiety-free person.

3. 

I have a very hard time knowing what I feel or want, and that isn't normal. 

Again, I have an anxiety disorder. This causes me to feel insecure and doubtful and indecisive at all times. It doesn't mean that I am an abnormal person that has no real feelings or desires. It doesn't mean that I will never figure out what I want. There is always time to change things, and it is within my control to change them.

4. 

I never really do anything. I don't have a real life. 

I actually do many things, sometimes so many that I complain about how I am too busy. It is in my nature to want to stay home, and some people are like that. But also, some of that tendency might be coming from my anxiety problems (which, aside from this severe period, I have had to some degree all my life) and maybe once I get better at dealing with my anxiety, I will feel more like going out and doing more social/outside activities.

5. 

I know better than to expect this event to go well. I'm definitely going to have anxiety there, so I should just accept the fact that I'm going to be miserable and get through it as best I can. 

I can't predict the future. There is no way of knowing for sure how much anxiety I will have in any situation. I may not even have any. Expecting the worst will only make me more anxious, which won't help. If I tell myself I can handle this situation and go into it with confidence, I am more likely not to feel anxiety and to have a good time overall.

6. 

This feeling is unbearable. I can't stand feeling like this way anymore. 

This feeling may be unpleasant, but it is not unbearable. I have survived it many times before and can survive it again. If I tell myself I can handle the feeling, it will most likely go away faster and will not be as horrible. 

Thoughts on worrying 

Worry does not help you prepare for problems. Planning and taking constructive action in response to worries can help you solve a problem or prepare for a less than ideal situation. But worrying in itself will not help you prepare for what might come up in life. 

There is no point in practicing being unhappy. Most of the time, things turn out well, and in preparing all the time for bad things by worrying, you are just increasing the amount of time you spend feeling miserable.

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This is the exposure hierarchy I came up with in the end (in order from least scary to most scary). I can do all these things, but I try to avoid them as much as possible, because they make me either really uncomfortable/uneasy (for the first few) or really anxious.

-- Watching vomit scenes on a cartoon
-- Watching vomit scenes in shows/movies (not animated)
-- Going to a pharmacy
-- Eating dessert (or something unhealthy) at a restaurant
-- Buying/eating something from the grocery store that I think is "high-risk" (for food poisoning)
-- Eating at a restaurant and getting something new/unfamiliar from the menu
-- Using public restroom
-- Eating a big meal before leaving the house to go somewhere
-- Eating at a restaurant, then going somewhere else (not straight back home)
-- Eating far away from home (at least a 3 hour drive back)
-- Eating at a restaurant at a busy time when it's crowded
-- Staying at a hotel overnight
-- Staying at a hotel overnight and eating out somewhere that night