anxiety about cat

I love my cat, but I have a hard time dealing with him when he vomits (pretty rare) or has a hairball (less rare). I wouldn't say it causes an anxiety attack, but it's extremely upsetting, especially to listen to while it's happening. And of course, I know I'm supposed to grab him when he first starts hacking and stick him in the bathroom, so he doesn't end up getting sick on our living room carpet, but I can never do it. I have to get as far away from him as possible.

Because of this, I quickly took note of two things. The first, that he would always meow in a low and mournful way right before getting sick. The second, that if he didn't finish his meal (we feed him twice a day, and he is a fanatic about eating it all right at that moment), that usually meant he would be getting sick within the next half hour.

Both of these neurotic observations have done nothing to help me. There is no way to scientifically measure how low his meow is, and I have gotten anxious about a thousand times over what I thought was a low sick meow and locked him up in the bathroom for no reason. And now, for the past week or two, he has developed a new habit of not finishing his "breakfast" meal. I don't know why. Maybe he still hasn't gotten over the stress of being boarded while we were on vacation. But he will leave some, go wander around, and then come back and finish it a little bit later. Other than that, he seems totally fine. It's too bad he has to live with the crazy emetophobe who checks his bowl after every meal, because again, I keep shutting him in the bathroom unnecessarily.

It's frustrating. I hate how easy it is to come up with these little irrational rules related to your fears. As if anything can be identified and controlled so easily. I just need to let this go and realize there is nothing I can do to avoid being exposed occasionally to cat vomit/hairballs. I wanted a cat, it comes with the territory. So does incredible cuteness, to look on the bright side.

One of these days I'm going to write an actual post again. I've just been all swept up in other things lately, like poetry and Judaism and Gloria Steinem, and ignoring anxiety as much as possible. Which is both good and bad. It's nice to be able to "set it aside" temporarily, but I know if I do that for too long, I'll be right back where I started. But I'm sure I'll get back on track with the start of the new year.