class

I went to my first class the other night. I sat through the entire thing, and I guess because of that I can call it a success, but I still feel disappointed in myself. I don't feel like I handled my anxiety well. I felt "nauseous" through the first half of the class, and since I was in a more stressful situation than I normally am, the "nausea" felt more intense. It was so overwhelming that I kept forgetting to attempt to use the affirmations and mindfulness techniques, and when I did, I didn't find them as helpful.

I fell back to using old "tricks" that I came up with years ago. Planning out the fastest way I could escape the situation if necessary. Asking myself "if I was home right now, would I feel this way?" or "if I was home right now, would feeling this way be bothering me as much?" It's not like these techniques are horrible, but they're not recovery-focused - they only help in the current moment.

Even using those methods didn't make my stomach feel better, but they did allow me to keep convincing myself to stay. Eventually I calmed down just from time passing, and I was then able to concentrate on and enjoy some of the class. I am happy that I went and that I got through it, because obviously I'll need to force myself through these first unpleasant experiences in order to get to the point where they become pleasant.

I plan on being more prepared for the next class though. I am going to eliminate any other stressful things I have planned for that day, because I think this one big event is all I can handle for now. I am going to engage in some form of deep relaxation beforehand, maybe listen to a guided meditation CD. My wife also suggested coming up with some class-specific affirmations, and maybe I will write them down somewhere so that I don't have to worry about forgetting them because of being anxious.