body visualization

I just finished reading Molecules of Emotion by Candace B. Pert, Ph.D. She's a scientist, and the book focuses mostly on her research involving peptides and receptors in the body. There was definitely much more scientific/medical jargon than I was prepared for, as I was kind of expecting a basic psychological self-help book. But I love science, and she breaks it down to the point where I could follow what she was saying most of the time, so I didn't really mind pushing through those parts. Especially because she interspersed the science with autobiographical narrative.

In the second half of the book, she started to pull it all together and talk more about health and emotions. Basically, through her research she has developed a holistic body-mind outlook: emotions are in the body and not just the mind; the mind can influence the body, and the body can influence the mind (a two-way communication); all systems tie together (immune, endocrine, nervous, etc.) and communicate with each other. I think most of these ideas would not be surprising to anyone these days. The book was written over a decade ago, so it was probably a more revolutionary message back then. But it was still interesting to read about the actual science behind it. At the very end, she tied spirituality into it too, another subject that fascinates me, so the book ended up containing almost every topic I adore: science, history, personal narrative, sexism / feminism, psychology, health, and religion / spirituality.

My original intention in reading it was to find something that might help me with my anxiety though, and on that front, there wasn't much that I didn't already know or hadn't already tried. She did inspire me with her many little anecdotes about using visualization to actually bring about changes in the body. For example, she talked about visualizing her pituitary gland releasing endorphins and how as a result of doing this, she could actually feel the endorphins being released and traveling all over her body, lifting her mood. I am a super skeptical person, and my thoughts immediately went to "maybe she just imagined this happening." But does that even make sense, saying she only "imagined" an increase in happiness? She still felt happier either way, which is the whole point. Goal achieved.

A similar story talked about a man who broke his elbow and then spent twenty minutes each day visualizing blood flowing to the site of the injury, which apparently resulted in the injury healing much faster than would normally be the case.

Since reading that, I've been experimenting a little with this kind of body visualization, focusing on my stomach / digestive area and imagining the resources of my body - blood, peptides, molecules, energy, whatever - all going to that one spot. The book describes the entire body and everything working within it as an "information network" so that I can imagine my stomach as an area that needs more research, since I usually find myself out of touch with it. Often I will find myself in the bizarre situation of knowing that I should be hungry (as a healthy person who last ate several hours ago) but not actually being able to feel that hunger. It's like my stomach is not accessible to me. I will get headaches or feelings of fatigue that alert me to my hunger without ever having passed through the stage where I felt it in my stomach.

The other morning before going out to breakfast, I tried this. I am not a morning person, and when I am tired, what's happening in my stomach is even more indecipherable to me. Then anxiety can take over and interpret the "strange" / unidentifiable feeling as fullness, or worse, nausea. But having just woken up, I know logically I must be hungry, since I haven't eaten for about twelve hours. I tried the visualization exercise, and it seemed to work after only ten to twenty minutes. I wouldn't say I was ravenous, but I began to feel like I could eat without there being any danger. I began to get a sense that the "strange" feeling was one of emptiness.

Which I find promising. In general, I am and always have been focused on the mind over the body. I loved school, and I love reading and writing and exploring ideas. I tend to see my body as an annoyance or (more frequently) as something to fear, and I really want to change this perspective. I want to learn to be aware of it in a more detached / mindful way, and I'm hoping one day I'll get to the point where enjoying my body, taking pleasure in it, is the rule rather than the exception.