CYEAT: Chapters 13 & 14

I finished the Cure Your Emetophobia and Thrive book. Chapter 14 is a short “that’s the book, thanks for reading, keep working, and tell your friends!” kind of chapter, so I decided to combine these last two into one post.

Chapter 13 is amazing, because it sums up everything the book has covered, it breaks it down into sections and easy to follow outlines, and it drives home the key points you want to remember. It’s almost like you could skip the rest, just read this chapter, and you’d still be getting most of what you need. I mean that in the best possible way and am not trying to belittle the rest of the book. I think it’s helpful with a book like this - to not have to reread the entire thing later on when you start to forget. To be able to go back to one chapter and have this great summary that allows you to quickly recall everything.

There were definitely things about this book that annoyed me - the way the writing style sounded like an infomercial at times, how some sections seemed to over-explain (like the chapter on the difference between stress and anxiety) while others didn’t get the attention I thought they needed (I would have liked to have seen much more on battling the social anxiety component of this phobia, but I suppose you can always supplement with a book specifically about social phobia), and the author’s overconfidence in the methods and emphasis on “cure.” I get the sense that you could never say ‘this program didn’t cure me’ without hearing in response that it was because you didn’t fully understand some part of it or didn’t work hard enough or didn’t do one of the exercises enough times. I guess that’s something that applies to most self-help books though. It’s not an attitude that appeals to me, but maybe other people feel differently and think the author lacks credibility if they don’t have that die-hard belief that their methods (and only their methods) will always work in the end (and if not, the fault lies with you).

I am not cured. Again, I am not convinced this phobia can be fully cured. On the other hand, I certainly haven’t put the effort into this program that the author recommends (which includes at least 6-8 weeks of continuing to follow the program once you have finished the book, and then starting all over if you still aren’t cured), so the author could still say I haven’t done enough, and there is no way for me to prove it will never cure me, just as there’s no way for him to prove it will.

But I’m going to stop being hung up on that word “cure” now, and putting that aside, the book contains a lot of incredibly helpful information. It’s certainly the best emetophobia-related book out there (we don’t have many options at this point in time, but still), and overall I would say it’s worth reading and having in your possession as a reference.

It has made me think a lot (most of those thoughts have been documented here) and given me ideas on what more I can do to make my life better. I’m sure I will keep going back to it, re-working exercises, trying to internalize the more rational thought processes I know I should have. Practice always helps. And revisiting always helps, because even if you have heard about or read the same ideas a hundred times (such as how important it is to counter negative thoughts with positive ones), there is something about encountering those ideas again that is inspiring and motivating. That reminds you, ‘oh yeah, I haven’t been using affirmations and I really wanted to try that’ or ‘I know working through an exposure hierarchy would help me so much; I should start again and not give up on it this time.’ It’s easy to lose sight of all the many options you have for improving or changing things when you’re busy living your day to day life and reacting to the world based on your current instincts or coping mechanisms.

improvement

The trip to Virginia was a complete success! I seriously can’t believe how well I handled it, especially with all the phobia “triggers” it included:

• Flying, which leads to worries about motion sickness (something I never have a problem with, but I always worry I will), other people getting motion sickness, and catching some illness from someone on the plane.
• Socializing frequently with people who may or may not be sick. I was only hanging out with my family, and they don’t know and/or understand and/or care about my phobia (we don’t really talk about anything emotional, so I am unsure who knows/understands what). So I could not rely on them to look out for me by warning me that they were sick or had been sick recently. It seemed like one of them might have a cold, so that was a little stressful, but nothing came of it. For all I know, it was allergies.
• Spending a lot of time in a hospital. I was mainly there to visit a relative who has cancer, so I was in the hospital with them for a few hours each day. I knew I couldn’t catch the diseases of the people around me, but I still felt “contaminated” by germs. Even hugging my sick relative felt unsafe, but I did it anyway. My parents tried to harass me into eating in the hospital cafeteria, but that was something I could not bring myself to do.
• Hanging out with my very young nephews, a one year old and a four year old. This probably stressed me out even more than the hospital. They were all over me, and the one year old even put his hand right on my lips as soon as I walked in the door. Plus they unpredictably cough on you, and every time they eat, I can’t stop thinking about how they don’t know the limits of what they can consume without being ill. On the other hand, they are so adorable and sweet, and I really had a great time with them. I hadn’t met the one year old yet, and I hadn’t seen the four year old since he was a baby, so he didn’t remember me and was excited to “meet” me and show me all his books.
• Spending long stretches of time away from my wife and my “safe space” (usually home, but in this case the hotel room). I would leave in the mornings and hang out with my family most of the day, not getting back to the hotel until the evening. I don’t spend that much time out in public by myself anymore (since I started working from home). Usually when I’m out somewhere for a whole day, my wife is with me.
• Eating while on vacation. This didn’t go quite as well as it did in New York City, because I avoided eating while around my family. But during the times it was just me and my wife, I was completely fine and able to eat normally. We bought a few safe snacks from a grocery store to keep in the hotel room just in case, but we didn’t even eat most of them. We mostly went out, and I got to have all the delicious food I have missed from my hometown that I hadn’t had in SIX YEARS, because when we went down there in 2011 I could barely eat anything.

I didn’t have any panic attacks or intense episodes of feeling “sick”. No feeling dizzy or crappy because I couldn’t eat. No having to cancel plans because of that. No inability to sleep. And not that much holding back from what I wanted/needed to do. I’m so glad that I went and was able to offer some support to my sick relative and the rest of my family.

Compare this to the way the trip went in 2011 (see post here), and I’m amazed at how much has changed in four years. And I wasn’t even aware of it! It’s so weird to have actual strong evidence that all the work I’ve put into getting better has actually gotten me somewhere. I have often felt like I’m not doing enough, but it has helped so much anyway. I think it helped just to make the commitment to learn to think a different way, because now, even when I lapse into old negative thought patterns, there is that sense that I am doing something wrong which leads to the motivation to get back on track.

It also helps that I take better care of myself physically now, specifically when it comes to eating habits. Trying to eat healthier, plus forcing myself as much as possible to eat regularly, on a normal schedule, has cut down on instances of feeling “sick” so much, and that of course means I don’t get anxious as frequently. Seriously. My stomach used to hurt all the time from going long periods of time without eating, and I just kept telling myself it was better and it was safer not to eat, that not eating had to lead to less stomach pain, or would ensure I was safe from getting sick even if I felt stomach pain. The reality is that it made me feel terrible, and then I wondered why I felt terrible all the time and experienced near constant anxiety because of it.

So I’m super pleased. If I can take trips without having some kind of meltdown, even when they are stressful or short or last-minute trips, that would be such an incredible improvement to my life. I want to be able to travel. My dream of eventually getting to Europe is seeming much more within my reach.