thoughts on being overcautious

I'm back. I have something very important to share. Here it is!

Nobody wants to have bad things happen to them, especially if those bad things involve harm to their body.

Which you know, of course. That's obvious. But there are related implications that I find very reassuring and that really didn't occur to me for years. Once I realized what this truly meant, it became much easier to calm myself down in a variety of triggering situations.

You want to avoid catastrophes, and so does everyone else. So does our society in general. This is why so much of our world is designed to be easy to use for, let's say, those who don't have a lot of common sense or don't think things through. This is why you'll encounter warnings like don't drink this chemical, don't let your child play with this plastic bag, don't stop the chainsaw with your hands, etc.

Not only do we get these warning labels for almost any imaginable danger, we also have more common warnings drilled into our head by the people around us, pretty much from childhood. Don't go swimming during a storm. Don't get in a stranger's car. Everyone learns the general scenarios that could lead to danger, and, depending on their personality, respond with varying levels of caution.

Which brings me to you, unfortunate person with severe anxiety. I am guessing you're extra cautious when confronted with any of those scenarios or warning labels. I am guessing you also have a wide range of scenarios you have decided are dangerous all on your own, without anyone else telling you so (or agreeing with you) and are constantly doing your best to avoid those scenarios or take (most likely unnecessary) steps to make yourself safer.

But remember, nobody wants to have bad things happen to them. Especially if those bad things involve harm to their body. And with regards to whatever you fear, ask yourself: if there was an actual danger of this behavior or situation causing harm to my body, wouldn't I have heard about it before? Wouldn't I have heard or read something, somewhere, about it potentially causing harm?

If eating parts of the apple too close to the stem could cause me to get sick, wouldn't I have heard about that?

If this dental procedure I'm about to go through was likely to make me vomit, wouldn't I have been told that was a possibility?

If watery sour cream or watery yogurt was a sign that it was likely to be bad in some way and give me food poisoning, wouldn't that be one of those things that I was warned about all my life?

Those are just a few of my own personal examples.

I don't know how to stop these little worrying thoughts from popping into my head, as they still do, regularly. But I have found this line of thinking to be an effective countermeasure, a way that I'm often able to dismiss the worry.

If anything has a good chance of making you get sick, it's incredibly unlikely you wouldn't 1) already know about it or 2) be warned beforehand.

in remission

Hello friends. How have the last two years been for you?

I definitely did not intend to stop posting here in such an out of the blue way. Life got very busy, or maybe I should say it's been one giant change after another. I feel like if I put the me who wrote the last post and the current me next to each other, in terms of anxiety, in terms of perspective on life, they would not be recognizable as the same person.

I moved to a new place. I started a new job. I met new people. I had to travel a bit for the job. I had to do public speaking for the job. I had to do a lot of things for the job that forced me to power through intense anxiety, which, as you might expect, has led to me being somewhat desensitized to a lot of situations that used to make me panic (or that I would constantly avoid).

My emetophobia is essentially dormant right now. It's still there, it will always be there, but it's the quietest it's ever been. It basically tells me to avoid sick people and make sure I have clean hands before I eat, and that's about it.

I'm summarizing, because this is a blog, and the actual details could fill a book. At least if I allowed myself to go on as long as I'm naturally inclined to.

But I don't want to give the impression that this muting of my emetophobia happened quickly or easily (or even that healthily). I pushed myself way too hard the past couple years. I powered through way more than I should have, for way too long, and the stress broke me down. I am still experiencing a lot of anxiety (it has just shifted and is currently attached to other things more so than vomit) and depression.

So, as much as I wish I could say this is a perfect success story, that I conquered emetophobia completely and am a role model for anyone still struggling, that is laughably untrue. I'll probably never be free of mental illness; it likes to morph into different forms year to year, but it sticks around.

That being said, emetophobia has been one of those forms for about two decades, and I never thought it would (or could) get to the point of having this little effect on my life.

I remain a walking encyclopedia of tips for coping with emetophobia (this will always be the case, I'm sure), and ... that's all. I'm around. I'm here if anyone needs anything, or if there is something in particular someone wants me to blog about. Email (lilandbody@gmail.com). Or leave a comment. Or contact me through tumblr. Hope everyone is well. Love to you all.