CYEAT: Chapter 4

One of the premises of this book is that there are three main issues underlying emetophobia (and most other mental health problems): an external locus of control, low self-esteem, and social anxiety. Chapter 3 focused on locus of control, and this chapter focuses on the self-esteem component.

The chapter starts with a quiz to determine your level of self-esteem (a list of statements for you to agree or disagree with), and I scored super low - 10%. I can't say I'm surprised based on the statements they provided. One of the statements is "I find it really hard to ask someone out on a date" and I find it hard to believe anyone would disagree with that. That's a difficult thing to do.

I have been conflicted about this topic for most of my life, because I think I am very arrogant in some areas of my life, or at certain moments. Some of the thoughts that pop into my head make me think I can't possibly have low self-esteem. But I've been giving it a lot of thought over the past year or so and have come to the conclusion that most of this "arrogance" is a defensive act. I have developed a habit of acting superior and putting other people down (thinking I have better taste in literature than anyone else, or I'm more intelligent, etc.) because I feel so ridiculously inadequate. Which is a despicable personality trait to have and something I want to change, because there's no excuse for thinking or acting like you're above other people. But yeah, that's what it is. It really started hitting me when I noticed that any time I am out in public and feel nervous, I'll start trying to look incredibly bored and over everything and everyone around me. I feel like if I can convince the world it's unimportant and beneath me, I'll be fine and it can't have any negative effect on me.

Also, a person's self-esteem can fluctuate, and this chapter does an amazing job of explaining that. First of all, people with an external locus of control are going to be strongly influenced by whatever situation they are in currently. If they are doing well on a project for work, high self-esteem. If a minute later, their boss comes in and criticizes them, self-esteem plummets just like that and they can't remember why they were ever feeling good about themselves.

Self-esteem can change very quickly. It just depends on what you are focusing on in your life. If you're focusing on all the things you don't think you have done well, it's going to be low. But if you make an effort to focus more on what you've done well lately, it will be high. The main exercise for the chapter is to list anything you've done lately that makes you feel good about yourself and carry that list around with you. Anything, even if it seems small (paying a bill or buying a present for a family member). Review it frequently. Add new things and bump old ones off the list. Focus more on what you are doing well than the mistakes you think you've made. It will make you think more highly of yourself, which leads to having more confidence, taking more chances, doing more things well.

For some reason, the author includes an Amazon website testimonial from someone helped by this self-esteem exercise at the end of the chapter. This was the only part that turned me off and made me feel (again) suspicious of the motives here. I feel sometimes like this book is trying harder to convince you it can help you than actually helping you. I already bought it, why does it seem like it's still being marketed to me?

But still, it's raised a lot of good points and included some really good advice so far. I'll keep trying to overlook the blatant posturing.