This morning while I was still sleeping (about twenty minutes before my alarm was set to go off), one of the neighbor's kids started coughing right outside the window, and it woke me up. I wasn't alarmed at first, but it kept going on and then started sounding more like choking and gagging. I pulled the covers up over my head, covered my ears, and started humming really loud. I could still sort of hear it in the background, so I hummed until I wasn't catching snatches of it anymore. I have no idea if anything even happened or if the kid just coughed for a while, but I've still had about a thousand worries today related to this 15-20 second event, starting with the ridiculous idea that the germs might come through the wall or window. Almost every real or far-fetched way illness could reach me is running through my mind. I've been doing so well this winter, not obsessing over contamination, and I'm finding it really annoying. I guess I always hope the thoughts are gone, but really it more seems like they just settle down temporarily. Like the thoughts are leaves and anxiety is a wind. The wind's picked up again, so the leaves are flying around all over the place. It's such a pain. Even if the kid did actually get sick, I know I have no more reason to think and worry about this than I do on any other day, days when other kids in other places might be getting sick without me there to see or hear it. It's just been a while since any of my senses have been exposed to it. If it even happened!
And the tune I hummed to myself was pitiful. In my fear, I couldn't think of one specific song to commit to, so what I came up with barely qualified as musical at all. It got me thinking about how maybe I should pick a song now to use if this ever happens again, which then got me thinking about the movie My Girl. Remember Vada and her "do wah diddy" meltdowns? Maybe I'll just steal hers, it's a pretty good one.
Joking, by the way. Believing I'll be able to handle the next situation is probably a better idea than picking a "panic song."
No comments:
Post a Comment