This is my favorite guided meditation CD, and it's now available to buy online!
Quiet Moments - Music and Words for Relaxation
I listened to this so many times in the year or so after my "breakdown" that I'm pretty sure I know some of the tracks by heart. The body scan meditation and progressive muscle relaxation tracks are amazing.
Showing posts with label guided meditation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guided meditation. Show all posts
Friday, July 11, 2014
Thursday, January 17, 2013
forums
I haven't had another panic attack since that one at the grocery store last month, but my anxiety levels have still been all over the place. Some days have been perfectly fine, others not so good. I have been meditating and doing deep-breathing exercises more. I have been looking through my affirmation flashcards. Hopefully this is helping me even out, but I haven't noticed a significant change yet. That might be because I am still not doing these relaxation exercises consistently enough. I should be doing them every night, but right now it's more like twice a week.
Another change I made that I do think is really helping me is that I stopped going to emetophobia forums. Up until maybe a year or two ago, I never went to these forums. I mean, I can remember popping into them a handful of times during my teen years, but they bored me. I really had no interest in putting more effort into handling my phobia then. I felt like I did well enough. But when things got worse, I started visiting them, thinking they might be helpful.
It's been just the opposite for me. I feel like they have made me worse. And they were somewhat addicting too. I couldn't stop logging in for a while, reading everything, leaving comments with advice occasionally. I tried to avoid threads that looked like they might contain information I didn't want to have in my head. For example, I try not to read anything anyone posts anywhere ever about norovirus. I don't care if it's facts about it, helpful tips on avoiding it, how it's spread, good news about it, whatever. I know I have the potential to get so unbelievably obsessive about it. The information gets stuck in my head, and I find myself changing my behavior.
But it wasn't always easy to tell what might be in a thread, and I still kept coming across this negative information. I remember one night I had just eaten Pizza Hut for dinner. Then I logged into one of the forums, and the very first thing I saw was a thread titled something like "Pizza Hut food poisoning" or something like that. So I didn't even have to click on that one for it to make me anxious!
That is what annoys me so much about groups of people with emetophobia getting together. Inevitably, 90% of what is discussed will be things like that. People asking which foods or restaurants are best to avoid. People posting in a panic asking for someone to give them a safe/benign reason why they feel sick. I wish there was more discussion of how to deal with the anxiety/phobia itself. But I notice that when people bring up this point on the forums, they usually end up getting attacked by people who are "anti-recovery" I guess, that stress they would rather it be a "support" group than a "recovery" group. I find it odd. I think the best support is encouraging someone to recover. If someone had encouraged me to work on recovery when I was younger, I'm sure I would have ignored them, so yes, I agree that no one can/will recover before they're ready. But at the same time, during those years that I was technically "anti-recovery" I wasn't "pro-support" or at least not that kind of support that seems like a merry-go-round of scaring each other. I don't see how that helps anyone.
I have become very afraid of eating out at restaurants during the winter, and I know that is a direct consequence of hanging out on these forums and seeing other people constantly post about being worried about this. It's something I never thought about before. I have eaten out at restaurants year round my entire life, and I have never gotten sick from doing so. My method of eating out whenever I wanted to did no damage, and there was no need for anything to change. But I have changed and am now extremely reluctant to eat out anywhere until it's spring/summer again.
I feel frustrated with myself for letting myself be influenced like this. It seems I can't read the fears of other emetophobics on a regular basis without being affected by them. So I have stopped going to these forums, and now I'm hoping that as time passes these extra thoughts/fears I've acquired will drift out of my head again.
It's a little disappointing, because, first of all, it is exhilarating to be in contact with so many people who understand the way you think. And also, every so often, I would come across something that was uplifting or helpful. But it was so rare, and it's just not worth digging through all that negativity for those few positive gems.
I think I'm much better off sticking with blogs. I've always found they tend to be more recovery-focused and positive, since they are more about sharing information than getting support. I've never seen a blogger post while having a panic attack and expect someone to immediately show up to talk them through it (maybe because bloggers know they're addressing a smaller audience). I really like that. I'm looking for less agitation in my life and more understanding of the fact that anxiety is really something you have to handle on your own. Not that I don't sometimes rely on my wife to calm me down, but I like to see those times as times where I have failed myself. Any time I can fix a situation on my own, I know I've just done something that is so much better for me in the long run.
Another change I made that I do think is really helping me is that I stopped going to emetophobia forums. Up until maybe a year or two ago, I never went to these forums. I mean, I can remember popping into them a handful of times during my teen years, but they bored me. I really had no interest in putting more effort into handling my phobia then. I felt like I did well enough. But when things got worse, I started visiting them, thinking they might be helpful.
It's been just the opposite for me. I feel like they have made me worse. And they were somewhat addicting too. I couldn't stop logging in for a while, reading everything, leaving comments with advice occasionally. I tried to avoid threads that looked like they might contain information I didn't want to have in my head. For example, I try not to read anything anyone posts anywhere ever about norovirus. I don't care if it's facts about it, helpful tips on avoiding it, how it's spread, good news about it, whatever. I know I have the potential to get so unbelievably obsessive about it. The information gets stuck in my head, and I find myself changing my behavior.
But it wasn't always easy to tell what might be in a thread, and I still kept coming across this negative information. I remember one night I had just eaten Pizza Hut for dinner. Then I logged into one of the forums, and the very first thing I saw was a thread titled something like "Pizza Hut food poisoning" or something like that. So I didn't even have to click on that one for it to make me anxious!
That is what annoys me so much about groups of people with emetophobia getting together. Inevitably, 90% of what is discussed will be things like that. People asking which foods or restaurants are best to avoid. People posting in a panic asking for someone to give them a safe/benign reason why they feel sick. I wish there was more discussion of how to deal with the anxiety/phobia itself. But I notice that when people bring up this point on the forums, they usually end up getting attacked by people who are "anti-recovery" I guess, that stress they would rather it be a "support" group than a "recovery" group. I find it odd. I think the best support is encouraging someone to recover. If someone had encouraged me to work on recovery when I was younger, I'm sure I would have ignored them, so yes, I agree that no one can/will recover before they're ready. But at the same time, during those years that I was technically "anti-recovery" I wasn't "pro-support" or at least not that kind of support that seems like a merry-go-round of scaring each other. I don't see how that helps anyone.
I have become very afraid of eating out at restaurants during the winter, and I know that is a direct consequence of hanging out on these forums and seeing other people constantly post about being worried about this. It's something I never thought about before. I have eaten out at restaurants year round my entire life, and I have never gotten sick from doing so. My method of eating out whenever I wanted to did no damage, and there was no need for anything to change. But I have changed and am now extremely reluctant to eat out anywhere until it's spring/summer again.
I feel frustrated with myself for letting myself be influenced like this. It seems I can't read the fears of other emetophobics on a regular basis without being affected by them. So I have stopped going to these forums, and now I'm hoping that as time passes these extra thoughts/fears I've acquired will drift out of my head again.
It's a little disappointing, because, first of all, it is exhilarating to be in contact with so many people who understand the way you think. And also, every so often, I would come across something that was uplifting or helpful. But it was so rare, and it's just not worth digging through all that negativity for those few positive gems.
I think I'm much better off sticking with blogs. I've always found they tend to be more recovery-focused and positive, since they are more about sharing information than getting support. I've never seen a blogger post while having a panic attack and expect someone to immediately show up to talk them through it (maybe because bloggers know they're addressing a smaller audience). I really like that. I'm looking for less agitation in my life and more understanding of the fact that anxiety is really something you have to handle on your own. Not that I don't sometimes rely on my wife to calm me down, but I like to see those times as times where I have failed myself. Any time I can fix a situation on my own, I know I've just done something that is so much better for me in the long run.
Monday, September 10, 2012
two years
Today's the
anniversary of my "breakdown." Actually, I guess it really started the
night before with the first of the panic attacks, but this was the date
where I was in the hospital all day, so I consider this to be The
Infamous Day.
I never thought I would feel like myself again, but I do. I can now say I feel like my anxiety is under control, at least as much as it can be while still having a phobia. It's just exhilarating to know that. Two years ago I was such a mess, and I had never imagined that things could get that bad. And then I couldn't imagine that they would ever get this good again either.
In celebration of this, I'm posting the timeline of my improvement. This is pretty much how the last two years went:
September 10, 2010: I was in the hospital most of the day discussing my non-stop panic attacks with various people. Then they gave me Ativan, and I went home and took that immediately, and then one or two other times in the next few days.
September 11-19: I went to the doctor three times. The first time I was given Lexapro, which made me feel sick, so I only took it once. The second time I got my thyroid tested (problems with it can cause anxiety issues), and nothing was wrong with it. The third time I was given Cymbalta, and I only took that once too. It didn't make me feel sick, but it did have minor side effects that bothered me (like restless legs).
I missed a lot of work. I couldn't eat or drink much. Everything I ate made me feel nauseous; I was taking a lot of Zofran during this time. I couldn't sleep and basically spent every night in the living room, dozing with the TV on.
I started seeing a therapist and doing breathing exercises, and I listened to a guided meditation CD every day and tried to meditate as much as possible. It was not something I had done much in the past, but it helped immensely anyway. Just made me feel temporarily calmer.
September 26: I started working through The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook. I know I've talked about it a lot, but I'll say it again. It's an amazing book. It helped me so much.
October 5: I joined a gym and started exercising more to see if that would help. It does help, but I still have a hard time sticking with the habit, even now.
October 8: By this point I was doing word searches almost constantly, especially when I woke up in the middle of the night (which was almost every night). They really helped me calm down when I was anxious.
October 16: I wouldn't let myself watch anything (on TV or in movies), read anything, think about anything upsetting or anxiety-producing. I felt frustrated by having to hide from negativity, but now I think it was the right thing to do. It helped me get better faster, and obviously I no longer have to do it. But I still don't watch horror movies. I used to watch them all the time and now don't let myself, because they have too much of an effect on me.
October 20: I had gotten a little notebook and was writing out affirmations in it every day. I would pick one from The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook and write it out five to ten times in a row, pausing in between to reflect on what it was saying and really try to believe it. I did this at least once a day, but more if I was really anxious. It was another activity that calmed me down.
December 4: I started noticing that PMS always made my anxiety issues much worse. I began reminding myself of this every month around that time so that I wouldn't take my thoughts and feelings so seriously.
February 3, 2011: I started doing yoga. I don't do it much anymore, but it was helpful and calming at the time.
April 30: I printed out some of my favorite affirmations and would tape one to the wall above my desk so that I'd be reminded of it frequently throughout the day. Every so often, I'd switch to a new one.
May 9: I was still seeing that my anxiety got significantly worse and hard to deal with during PMS, so I started taking 100mg of B6 daily (on top of a multivitamin) to help with that. It seemed to work wonders (after a couple months I think). I still take it.
July 23 - 26: I started having bad panic attacks again. It felt like a repeat of the initial "breakdown" only to a much lesser degree. But again, it was extremely difficult to eat or drink for a few days, and I felt horrible all the time. I'm not sure what caused this relapse, but I got it under control much faster than I had the first time, mostly through forcing myself to eat as much as possible, which kept me somewhat stable. This gave me hope that I was moving in the right direction.
August 29: I started taking a class at a college nearby. This forced me out of the house on a regular basis, forced me to interact with the world again, which was something I really needed. I had gotten pretty homebound.
September 10: I tried hypnosis for the first (and only) time. I felt slightly better for a few days after it, but I have no idea if it was the hypnosis that caused this. Or the placebo effect. Or coincidence.
November 22: I took a trip to see my family for Thanksgiving. This was very stressful and didn't go as well as I had hoped. Again, I had problems eating, drinking, and sleeping. I felt sick almost constantly. But I did manage to get through it without any medication (psychiatric or anti-emetic). I used affirmations that I had written out on index cards and the EmWave2 I had just gotten.
February 19, 2012: I did an online emetophobia study which started around this time. It involved a lot of CBT and exposure work that was helpful.
May 1: I stopped going to therapy, because I felt pretty confident that I knew what to do when I was anxious. Most of the time I could calm myself down by countering my negative thoughts and focusing on more positive ones.
That's about it. I've been doing really well this year. Basically, the Thanksgiving trip was the last "crisis" period I had, and I am sure that if I took that trip again this November, it would go a lot better.
Speaking of trips, I am taking a small one later this month. I won't even be leaving the state, but I will be staying in a hotel in another city. I'm excited. For the first time in a long time, I feel excited about a trip. I'm not dreading it! I think it's going to go really well and be loads of fun.
I never thought I would feel like myself again, but I do. I can now say I feel like my anxiety is under control, at least as much as it can be while still having a phobia. It's just exhilarating to know that. Two years ago I was such a mess, and I had never imagined that things could get that bad. And then I couldn't imagine that they would ever get this good again either.
In celebration of this, I'm posting the timeline of my improvement. This is pretty much how the last two years went:
September 10, 2010: I was in the hospital most of the day discussing my non-stop panic attacks with various people. Then they gave me Ativan, and I went home and took that immediately, and then one or two other times in the next few days.
September 11-19: I went to the doctor three times. The first time I was given Lexapro, which made me feel sick, so I only took it once. The second time I got my thyroid tested (problems with it can cause anxiety issues), and nothing was wrong with it. The third time I was given Cymbalta, and I only took that once too. It didn't make me feel sick, but it did have minor side effects that bothered me (like restless legs).
I missed a lot of work. I couldn't eat or drink much. Everything I ate made me feel nauseous; I was taking a lot of Zofran during this time. I couldn't sleep and basically spent every night in the living room, dozing with the TV on.
I started seeing a therapist and doing breathing exercises, and I listened to a guided meditation CD every day and tried to meditate as much as possible. It was not something I had done much in the past, but it helped immensely anyway. Just made me feel temporarily calmer.
September 26: I started working through The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook. I know I've talked about it a lot, but I'll say it again. It's an amazing book. It helped me so much.
October 5: I joined a gym and started exercising more to see if that would help. It does help, but I still have a hard time sticking with the habit, even now.
October 8: By this point I was doing word searches almost constantly, especially when I woke up in the middle of the night (which was almost every night). They really helped me calm down when I was anxious.
October 16: I wouldn't let myself watch anything (on TV or in movies), read anything, think about anything upsetting or anxiety-producing. I felt frustrated by having to hide from negativity, but now I think it was the right thing to do. It helped me get better faster, and obviously I no longer have to do it. But I still don't watch horror movies. I used to watch them all the time and now don't let myself, because they have too much of an effect on me.
October 20: I had gotten a little notebook and was writing out affirmations in it every day. I would pick one from The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook and write it out five to ten times in a row, pausing in between to reflect on what it was saying and really try to believe it. I did this at least once a day, but more if I was really anxious. It was another activity that calmed me down.
December 4: I started noticing that PMS always made my anxiety issues much worse. I began reminding myself of this every month around that time so that I wouldn't take my thoughts and feelings so seriously.
February 3, 2011: I started doing yoga. I don't do it much anymore, but it was helpful and calming at the time.
April 30: I printed out some of my favorite affirmations and would tape one to the wall above my desk so that I'd be reminded of it frequently throughout the day. Every so often, I'd switch to a new one.
May 9: I was still seeing that my anxiety got significantly worse and hard to deal with during PMS, so I started taking 100mg of B6 daily (on top of a multivitamin) to help with that. It seemed to work wonders (after a couple months I think). I still take it.
July 23 - 26: I started having bad panic attacks again. It felt like a repeat of the initial "breakdown" only to a much lesser degree. But again, it was extremely difficult to eat or drink for a few days, and I felt horrible all the time. I'm not sure what caused this relapse, but I got it under control much faster than I had the first time, mostly through forcing myself to eat as much as possible, which kept me somewhat stable. This gave me hope that I was moving in the right direction.
August 29: I started taking a class at a college nearby. This forced me out of the house on a regular basis, forced me to interact with the world again, which was something I really needed. I had gotten pretty homebound.
September 10: I tried hypnosis for the first (and only) time. I felt slightly better for a few days after it, but I have no idea if it was the hypnosis that caused this. Or the placebo effect. Or coincidence.
November 22: I took a trip to see my family for Thanksgiving. This was very stressful and didn't go as well as I had hoped. Again, I had problems eating, drinking, and sleeping. I felt sick almost constantly. But I did manage to get through it without any medication (psychiatric or anti-emetic). I used affirmations that I had written out on index cards and the EmWave2 I had just gotten.
February 19, 2012: I did an online emetophobia study which started around this time. It involved a lot of CBT and exposure work that was helpful.
May 1: I stopped going to therapy, because I felt pretty confident that I knew what to do when I was anxious. Most of the time I could calm myself down by countering my negative thoughts and focusing on more positive ones.
That's about it. I've been doing really well this year. Basically, the Thanksgiving trip was the last "crisis" period I had, and I am sure that if I took that trip again this November, it would go a lot better.
Speaking of trips, I am taking a small one later this month. I won't even be leaving the state, but I will be staying in a hotel in another city. I'm excited. For the first time in a long time, I feel excited about a trip. I'm not dreading it! I think it's going to go really well and be loads of fun.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
accomplishments
I finally did it. I made a doctor's appointment for a check-up. It's at the end of August, and I'm already really worried about it. I can't even put my finger on why exactly, but I guess it's a fear that I'll find out I have some horrible health problem. Or that I have one, but it won't be identified, because I will forget to bring something up or describe something incorrectly. I feel like I should make some long list of all my concerns to take with me, so I don't forget anything. But that would probably be annoying, huh?
I also have been trying to take better care of myself physically - exercising and eating healthy. I wouldn't say I'm doing either enough, but I'm keeping it in mind as a constant goal, and I have been doing better than usual. Last Friday I took the day off work and dedicated the day to relaxation. I didn't speak all day (just thought it'd be nice to have an atmosphere of absolute quiet). I tried to eat all my meals mindfully. I took a long walk around town (it was a gorgeous sunny day) and then did about 45 minutes of yoga. I worked on some writing projects and then later that evening, I listened to my meditation CD. It was the perfect vacation day.
Then over the weekend, I went to see the new Pixar movie Brave. There were of course children in the theater, and as a general rule, I try to stay away from them. They scare me quite a bit, because I see them as being constantly sick. Seriously, it seems like my (almost 2 year old) nephew is sick with something different every single week, sometimes things I have never heard of. But I was able to handle the movie without feeling much extra anxiety. I tensed up slightly every time one of the children walked by me and kind of leaned away from them. That was about it. The movie was incredible, by the way. It was the best kids' movie I've seen in a long time.
After the movie, I went out to eat at a restaurant I've only been to once before. I was really hungry and ate a lot, including dessert. I only had a little anxiety, and it was in the car after leaving, when I realized how full I felt. But it (the anxiety) passed quickly.
I'm so happy with all of this. I feel like I'm doing really well, other than freaking out about the doctor's appointment. It's not for a while, which could either mean I have plenty of time to calm down about it or that I have plenty of time to get more and more anxious. Of course, that's up to me and what I choose to think, so... time for affirmations!
I also have been trying to take better care of myself physically - exercising and eating healthy. I wouldn't say I'm doing either enough, but I'm keeping it in mind as a constant goal, and I have been doing better than usual. Last Friday I took the day off work and dedicated the day to relaxation. I didn't speak all day (just thought it'd be nice to have an atmosphere of absolute quiet). I tried to eat all my meals mindfully. I took a long walk around town (it was a gorgeous sunny day) and then did about 45 minutes of yoga. I worked on some writing projects and then later that evening, I listened to my meditation CD. It was the perfect vacation day.
Then over the weekend, I went to see the new Pixar movie Brave. There were of course children in the theater, and as a general rule, I try to stay away from them. They scare me quite a bit, because I see them as being constantly sick. Seriously, it seems like my (almost 2 year old) nephew is sick with something different every single week, sometimes things I have never heard of. But I was able to handle the movie without feeling much extra anxiety. I tensed up slightly every time one of the children walked by me and kind of leaned away from them. That was about it. The movie was incredible, by the way. It was the best kids' movie I've seen in a long time.
After the movie, I went out to eat at a restaurant I've only been to once before. I was really hungry and ate a lot, including dessert. I only had a little anxiety, and it was in the car after leaving, when I realized how full I felt. But it (the anxiety) passed quickly.
I'm so happy with all of this. I feel like I'm doing really well, other than freaking out about the doctor's appointment. It's not for a while, which could either mean I have plenty of time to calm down about it or that I have plenty of time to get more and more anxious. Of course, that's up to me and what I choose to think, so... time for affirmations!
Sunday, June 24, 2012
blah
I haven't had that much emetophobic anxiety lately. I even went out to dinner recently and ate until I was overly full and didn't feel the slightest bit worried about it. I can't remember the last time that happened. So there's the good news.
But I've been having tons of anxiety about my health in general. I keep noticing little aches and pains and feeling like there is something wrong with me. Plus I feel low-energy. All of this could, of course, be caused by anxiety and anxiety alone. But how can I know for sure? I can't. I can't know anything for sure, and my refusal to accept this is basically the root of all my problems.
My only option really is to start up an anxiety-fighting regimen again to see if that makes me feel any better physically. I think the main area I need to focus on is exercise. But I also bought a CD player for the bedroom so that I can listen to guided meditation CDs in there, away from distractions (naughty cat, TV, noisy air conditioner).
And I'm trying to work up the courage to make a doctor's appointment. This was one of my New Year's resolutions, to get a check-up this summer, and now it's summer, but I've yet to make the appointment. It'd be nice to be officially told there is nothing wrong with me, and then I'll have that as ammunition against all these irrational thoughts.
But I've been having tons of anxiety about my health in general. I keep noticing little aches and pains and feeling like there is something wrong with me. Plus I feel low-energy. All of this could, of course, be caused by anxiety and anxiety alone. But how can I know for sure? I can't. I can't know anything for sure, and my refusal to accept this is basically the root of all my problems.
My only option really is to start up an anxiety-fighting regimen again to see if that makes me feel any better physically. I think the main area I need to focus on is exercise. But I also bought a CD player for the bedroom so that I can listen to guided meditation CDs in there, away from distractions (naughty cat, TV, noisy air conditioner).
And I'm trying to work up the courage to make a doctor's appointment. This was one of my New Year's resolutions, to get a check-up this summer, and now it's summer, but I've yet to make the appointment. It'd be nice to be officially told there is nothing wrong with me, and then I'll have that as ammunition against all these irrational thoughts.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
hypnosis
I tried hypnosis for the first time yesterday.
I didn't really know what to expect. I was sure it wouldn't be like stage hypnosis or the way they show it in the movies where you relive your childhood and then don't remember anything that happened afterward, but other than that, I was at a loss. I wondered how aware I would be during it and if my state of mind would really be altered. I did some research online the night before and found no help there. There are so many different descriptions of the process and its supposed effects, so I guess it varies from office to office all over the country.
My own experience was very similar to guided meditation, except for an additional segment where the hypnotherapist gave affirmations / suggestions guiding me to feel the way I want to feel.
At the beginning of the session, we had a brief conversation about what I wanted the hypnosis to accomplish, because he said it works better when you have a specific outcome in mind. I think this is mostly about reframing your goal, turning it into something you want to happen (like "I want to exercise more") versus something you don't want to happen ("I don't want to be so lazy").
My goal was a pretty vague one of wanting to feel less anxiety, especially the emetophobic kind. But then I started talking about how all my anxiety issues seem to boil down to a fear of not having control. I want to control my body. I want to control the way I am thought about or perceived by other people. I want to control everything about my life in general - to make sure all my decisions have been and will continue to be the perfect ones, to become so self-aware and evolved that I will be able to know with certainty that I will never make a mistake and possibly go down a "wrong path" that will waste time. So my goal was reframed into "I want to feel more in control," and with that settled, the actual hypnosis began.
He started with a body scan meditation where I was asked to imagine a relaxing color slowly filling my entire body, starting from the toes and moving up. Then he asked me to imagine a remote control with an "Up" button on it that controlled my level of relaxation, so that each time I pushed the button, I would feel more relaxed. In the final relaxation exercise, he said he was going to count down and asked me to visualize each number as he said it and then imagine the number fading away. When he reached zero, that was the point of complete relaxation.
I never reached a state of complete relaxation, since I find it hard to ever be completely relaxed, especially outside my home. But I was more relaxed than I had imagined I would be at the beginning. I have been listening to guided meditation CDs regularly for a while now, and through practice, I've gotten to the point where it's easy for me to lose myself in them. I almost felt like I was at home, just listening to a recording.
After those three exercises, the hypnosis script began. He told me before he started that I should try to tune out what he was saying, if possible. I'm guessing this is because the suggestions are meant for your subconscious. Guided meditation CDs and meditation exercises in general tell you to focus on the words of the speaker, or focus on your breathing, an affirmation, or a mantra, to try to clear your mind of all other thoughts and distractions. This is something I find extremely difficult to do. Having to tune out words, on the other hand, was not a problem. I caught parts of what he was saying, enough to piece together the general message he was giving me, but I didn't hear all of it. I was reciting lyrics and poems to myself or letting my thoughts wander to certain memories that easily hold my attention.
He said that I was in control and that I would feel more in control from that point on. He also talked about bodily sensations, how they were mostly harmless, and how they should be viewed as a message from my body (for example, the feeling of hunger being a message to eat something). That's all I remember.
I haven't noticed a significant decrease in my anxiety, but it has only been a day. I'll write about it again in a week or so and give an update. In any case, I just wanted to share the experience and say that if nothing else, hypnosis is relaxing in the moment and doesn't lead to vulnerability, lack of awareness, or embarrassing / uncontrollable behavior. It's worth a try, if you're thinking about it.
I didn't really know what to expect. I was sure it wouldn't be like stage hypnosis or the way they show it in the movies where you relive your childhood and then don't remember anything that happened afterward, but other than that, I was at a loss. I wondered how aware I would be during it and if my state of mind would really be altered. I did some research online the night before and found no help there. There are so many different descriptions of the process and its supposed effects, so I guess it varies from office to office all over the country.
My own experience was very similar to guided meditation, except for an additional segment where the hypnotherapist gave affirmations / suggestions guiding me to feel the way I want to feel.
At the beginning of the session, we had a brief conversation about what I wanted the hypnosis to accomplish, because he said it works better when you have a specific outcome in mind. I think this is mostly about reframing your goal, turning it into something you want to happen (like "I want to exercise more") versus something you don't want to happen ("I don't want to be so lazy").
My goal was a pretty vague one of wanting to feel less anxiety, especially the emetophobic kind. But then I started talking about how all my anxiety issues seem to boil down to a fear of not having control. I want to control my body. I want to control the way I am thought about or perceived by other people. I want to control everything about my life in general - to make sure all my decisions have been and will continue to be the perfect ones, to become so self-aware and evolved that I will be able to know with certainty that I will never make a mistake and possibly go down a "wrong path" that will waste time. So my goal was reframed into "I want to feel more in control," and with that settled, the actual hypnosis began.
He started with a body scan meditation where I was asked to imagine a relaxing color slowly filling my entire body, starting from the toes and moving up. Then he asked me to imagine a remote control with an "Up" button on it that controlled my level of relaxation, so that each time I pushed the button, I would feel more relaxed. In the final relaxation exercise, he said he was going to count down and asked me to visualize each number as he said it and then imagine the number fading away. When he reached zero, that was the point of complete relaxation.
I never reached a state of complete relaxation, since I find it hard to ever be completely relaxed, especially outside my home. But I was more relaxed than I had imagined I would be at the beginning. I have been listening to guided meditation CDs regularly for a while now, and through practice, I've gotten to the point where it's easy for me to lose myself in them. I almost felt like I was at home, just listening to a recording.
After those three exercises, the hypnosis script began. He told me before he started that I should try to tune out what he was saying, if possible. I'm guessing this is because the suggestions are meant for your subconscious. Guided meditation CDs and meditation exercises in general tell you to focus on the words of the speaker, or focus on your breathing, an affirmation, or a mantra, to try to clear your mind of all other thoughts and distractions. This is something I find extremely difficult to do. Having to tune out words, on the other hand, was not a problem. I caught parts of what he was saying, enough to piece together the general message he was giving me, but I didn't hear all of it. I was reciting lyrics and poems to myself or letting my thoughts wander to certain memories that easily hold my attention.
He said that I was in control and that I would feel more in control from that point on. He also talked about bodily sensations, how they were mostly harmless, and how they should be viewed as a message from my body (for example, the feeling of hunger being a message to eat something). That's all I remember.
I haven't noticed a significant decrease in my anxiety, but it has only been a day. I'll write about it again in a week or so and give an update. In any case, I just wanted to share the experience and say that if nothing else, hypnosis is relaxing in the moment and doesn't lead to vulnerability, lack of awareness, or embarrassing / uncontrollable behavior. It's worth a try, if you're thinking about it.
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