my "safe foods"

I'm back from vacation. The rest of it was pretty much the same - seeing people and having fun, but all while feeling "sick" and/or anxious. Experiencing anxiety that high almost constantly for an entire week is unusual for me, and it's strange to reflect on it now. Every day I was at some point convinced I was going to throw up, but I didn't. So much of the trip spent worrying about something that never happened. Then I start thinking about how much of my life in general I've spent worrying about it. And it hasn't happened in 16 years. It blows my mind.

The drive home was especially bad. I forced myself to eat and drink much more than I had on the drive there. Which was a good thing. I didn't have to deal with the high anxiety that comes from being dehydrated and light-headed, where everything starts feeling surreal. Plus I'm sure it helped me readjust to eating once I got home. But in the moment, it sucked. I felt "nauseous" for most of the drive.

It's been four days since we got home, and I already feel completely back to normal physically, which is huge for me. I was half-expecting that I still wouldn't be able to eat an adequate amount for the first week or so. I'm still feeling anxiety when I eat, but even that seems to be going away much faster than I thought it would.

I wanted to write about the foods I usually eat when I am having really high anxiety and feel unable to eat. Not that I'm saying they make up a balanced diet. I'm the last person to give nutrition advice - I'm pretty terrible at eating healthy. It's just a list of foods that feel safe to me, because they are easy on the stomach:

1) An egg and cheese sandwich. I heavily rely on these during my bad periods. They're delicious. There are so many different options for the bread part: bagel, croissant, English muffin, toast, biscuit, waffles. If I am feeling really "sick" I usually just go for a plain bagel and sometimes even leave off the cheese. But bread and egg, easy on the stomach, plus (so important when you're not eating well) you're getting protein in there.

2) Luna bars. I ate a ton of these on the trip, especially when I had to eat in the car. I don't eat anything without washing my hands first, which is not really convenient on a long drive. But granola bars or nutrition bars you can hold in the wrapper without touching. With Luna bars, you're getting protein again and also vitamins. The only downside is they're not high-calorie. They're pretty small, which is partly why they always seem manageable to me. Mini-meals.

3) Cereal, toast, pasta. I love all of these simple carbs when I feel anxious. Cheerios has always been one of my super-safe foods. It used to be pretty much my only safe food. I remember one trip I went on where I only ate Cheerios the entire time. So unhealthy, plus everyone around me thought I was insane. Now I try to avoid eating only foods that fall into this category, since they are usually lacking in the protein area.

4) Bananas. I don't love the way they taste, but they're healthy and convenient / portable like nutrition bars. They're in their own little "wrapper" so you don't have to touch them. Plus they're dense / filling, and you can find ripe ones pretty much wherever you go.